2/8/09

today is sunday...bit nervous bout tonite event....bout dyuelife soft lauching..
i bring jamie along..n jamie bring one of her fren come over....

tomorrow need to start work oledi..bit nervous n excited too..
quite complicated ...
now i still lost bout my future..but i m sure that it will become more clearly..after i start my work..
i don know the decision of involve myself in dyuelife is the rite choice for me onot..
but wo knows..never try never know..
i just don wan to let go the opportunity that i hv..maybe tis is the my time..as long as i hv do the best i can..
rite..?

today still miss mike..
i don know whether i should believe in him onot..but wo knows..
just always tel myself don take it so serius bout wat he said to me.
cos not worth it..
tis is wat i keep telling myself..
remember..don take it so serious...!!
if not at the end u ll hurt badly....very badly!!!!

1/8/09

finally..mike yesterday online, v chat for a while..n i know wat he think..
i don know whether i wan to believe mike onot..but my heart stil believe on wat he said.
i told all my frens that v broke up oledi..
i decided eveything go underground..so they won hv any comment on our relaitonship..since all my frens don like him..
they think mike is a liar..a playboy..
i m pretty sad actually..but think further..
they just wan the best for me,,
i understand that..
i don blame them.

i know wat ll goin to happen at the end..i think all the consequenses...
so i m ready on it..
wish everthing is good....

oh...yesterday mike online again..
pretty happy on it..
hehee...
so in love with him..even though he is always not with me..
now he is in france..
but still love him..
these day don know y..keep on thinking bout him,..even dream bout him last nite..
oh..
miss him so much le..

just argue with my mum..
she don trust me anymore..
keep on telling me my frens will cheated me la..bla bla bla..
i know she wan me good..but..
my frens don cheated me..ever..
haiz..somemore need me to find job la..bla bla bla..
the problem is i like freedom..
i m a bird on the air..
i don like to be controled...i like to be free...
haiz....
just don know how my life is goin on...
i cant see the future light..
wish i can move out n do something...
shit...
really....!!i m so serious on it...
more they push me..more i wanna go out..

some more my evil sister always talk bout stupid in front of my mum..
shit..damn hate her le..
she think she all that..
shit.....
always the one wo think she smarter than anybody..
shit..
i really very fed up oledi..
my mum now thinking i m not looking for job la..bla bla bla...
really stupid!!!!!!1
damn hate her actually..!!

..

yesterday just msn with darling mike...quite happy to hear from him..
notice that he is ok..fine..
everything in his family is fine n good..
i feel so release..n relieve too..

yesterday v talk something bout 3 somes..
that his fantansm..
he imagine i make love with gal n guy at the same time...3 person at once..
hahah...
that really wild...
hahaha;..
i not reject to try actually...
cos it is just somthing new..but at this moment i not ready to try..
maybe one day wen our relatioship is stable..n i hv nothing to worry..
i ll try..maybe..
hehehe..

yesterday in the conversation..i can see he is really care bout me...
n i really happy with it..cos i ask him if i sleep with other guy...he said he will be very sad on it..just if he do the same way to me..i ll be very sad too..

yes it is true..
all i want from him is himself only..
i hope he belongs to me..only for me..not for others..his ex-wife or someone else..
but i know it is impossible..cos he has so many responsible n burden..
haiz..
wen my wish can come true..
so long i guess..

Down

yesterday come back late, wen i open the inbox, mike had send me an email..
it is a very short email. It like he is very busy till no time to write long letter for me..
but i still miss him so much..

yesterday i went out with mani...
the feeling with him is just...no rite..
he kiss me..but honestly..i don feel anythin like i feel mike
just bit nature response..but the feeling in my heart is just not rite..n i don like that feeling..

wen mike kiss me...i feel like my heart beating fast.,.the feeling is so good..wen he touch me..
i like it..n i love it..
but with mani..it just not rite..i don like he kiss me..
even i really miss mike kiss..
but mani is not the compatible of mike.l.
mike is unique..
unreplaceable..
this can explain that i don simply hv relationship with guy for so long til mike show up..

now all i hv to do is just waiting mike lo..
really miss him so much..
the feeling fulfil my heart..
some more wen mani kiss me..i just unstoppable thinking bout mike..,
shit..
hahaha...sound so silly..

anyway..that me..
hahah..
stupid..

19/7/09- sunday

today wake up on 11.30 am.
last nite was very tired..
tis day very excited cos harry potter 6 finally showing on cinema..
excited..
now at my mum shop..
life getting a bit boring..
but still i miss mike so much..
love to miss him..
really hope i can see him..face to face but not only picture..
still hv 1 1/2 month to go..
ohhhhhh..miss him miss him miss him..

18/7/09-sat

yesterday after chat with darling..
i happy with it, beside that i oso seduce him by open my web cam.
hahah...
i feel that i m very bad..
hahha..
but the feeling is good too..
haha..
love him so much..
i know both of us will be suffering if this situation didnt change but..
i really don wan to let go since v haven start our life together..
i really don let go..

anyway just keep my finger cross n wish our relationship can be long lasting..
muaks..

16/7/09-thursday

tis morning wake up so earlier as i have a job as regestration gal.
wen i arrived westin hotel only i know that i work for the bloomberg company.
huge company n meet lot of ppls there..

yesterday receive an email form mike..
said that his ex-wife have some mental problem on it..
i quite confused of wat he said..
need to understand more bout him.but since i feel that he is lying to me..
don know la..
confused on everything he tel me..since v meet each other..

yesterday is my brithday, i receive a cal from mani, guy i know in the zouk future-iraq
actually a suprise..
v plan to meet each other on this coming sunday in sunway..
a good looking guy too..
but somehow he is only 29 years old..
haha...
too young for me..

same things here..
miss mike so much..
hope i can see him now..

14/7/09-tuesday

very tired wen i woke up tis morning since yesterday have a shooting..
but still need to wake up earlier for the bridal trial make up in puncak jalil...
damn tired manl..
still excited with the clubbing on the other nite..
such a good nite as my good frens celebrated birthday with me at zouk future..
n knew some of the new frens..
interesting nite..

miss mike so much..
wish he can celebrated birthday with me..
since now he still in france..
no choice..
wish i can be with him now..

tonite need to meet up with bryant bout the business he do.-dyuelife..
it is a interesting business..but i hv doubt on it..since my network really not strong enough in tis stage..so let see..

10/7/09-friday

tis day is a very tired day, as i woke up at 5am.
cos i had a shooting in north port which is port klang there. n i ask the camera man to fetch me there so i need to wake up at 5am.
damn tired n all of them are smoker..that even very hard for me..
n some more they keep on speak rude word...damn bored oledi...
til 5pm v finish n rush back to kl..hard day..
it a first day i start with the freelance job cal personal assistant.
it is actually an interest job, it just need to do lot of things n carry lot of things too...my shoulder damn pain le..

by the way, i miss mikey so much...
miss him miss him miss him...
haiz...still hve 2 month to go...
damn long le...
love him..~~~

miss

oh..goddness me...
there several day didnt receive his email oledi..
look like he is really busy...
haiz..i miss him so much..just don understand he really don have time to send me a new..?
i hv lot of doubts...
really..

dissappointment

yesterday heard lennon said that coulom have ask us to collect the payment on monday.
i m glad n release to hear that.
but wen i go today morning.
it still didnt open.
one of the person waiting there n said coulomb will never open again..v got cheated..
i feel so sad n dissappointment since there still a hope there..
i feel like shit...

a bit shocked is that my pet mum ask bout mike..
she want to see him, n i said he back to france for summer holiday.
just shocked that she didnt seem like object or wat..
now just feel like a bit release..

i miss mike so much...he is always very busy even back to france.
miss him miss him miss him...

Heavy

haiz,today very moody.
Lot of things hang out there..just feel like shit..
lot of debts...
lots of debts..
haiz...
so many things inside my head but cant move on..
i just cant see the future road suddenly..

Anxious

today, is not my very happy day, cos my job will hv some problem with money..
shit..
now make me have lot of problem for the entire years with the money problem..
n til now i hv no idea how to fixed it...
damn it!!!
yesterday i imeediately send msg to bryant..cos he hv some offer to me with his dyuelife..
it just make me wanna earn more money...
money money money..
all is bout money..
i hv lot of burden in my shoulder..
if i lost this jobs..
that will be really shit~!!!!!!!

Shocked

omg, how this things can happen to me always..
i oledi have no money now oso kena cheated..
so bad luck la..

now i hv hlb loan, car loan la...cimb loan la..
credit card la..
haiz..really stupid bastard!!!
how dare they can do all these stuff to me le..
stupid one la..!!!

Release

Today is my grandmum funeral day, we wake up early in the morning at 6am as v just sleep at nite around 3am.
Very tired for sure.
Finally every done, my grandmum rest at peace...
Hope she can find our grandpa in heaven...peace..

Today i finally receive an email from mike...very happy and release..
Happy cos he didnt forget me and he said miss me so much too, release cos i know that he is save but just busy..ohhh...release..

Same situation, miss him so much...miss miss miss him...

Today i have a relax mood but still need to go to the funeral ceremonies...
Mike still haven reply my email...i m very worry bout him since he didnt send any msg back after he go back to france..

I miss him so much...much much more..
I m planning go to Sri petaling to ask for the dancing class...either skating or dance class..need to consider first..
Lot of things can do wen i m alone..
dance la..., work la...,but stil miss him every single second..
unstoppable..
unstoppable...damn!!

Grandmum

I just come back from the funeral ceromony. All our families member are there.
V all together have crying, laughing, joking...even it is a funeral...
My grandmum look so peace.....she must be very happy in heaven..
After all these procedures need to run through....v all very tired..
Somemore v cant even wash our hairs bout 2 days...for goodness sake..
Smelly~~~~

tired day~~

All of my family member are rushing to the hospital today, n i need to stay at shop here. I receive a phone cal from my mum with crying tone. So sad. My beloved grandmum just gone like that, but with peace...
I just cant believe this just happen in one day...heavy heart~~`

Mike, u miss me onot..?
i m terribly miss u so much, as all this thing happen to me..
i wan to split to you but i cant..i just cant..
i know that u are not really trust me...me either..
but i love u so much...it take time to built up a trust..i know..
time is everythings.....

Today is the fifth day u go back to france oledi..
i m missing u terribly..miss ur heart, kisses, hugs, touch,,,everythings~~~
love you..

heart story

Today is a hard day. My beloved grandmum had just passed away. My heart are very heavy but i need to be strong as i know she go by peace..
There is another thing which made me so sad is..i hv a very serious argue with my sister. She is so over with her attitude. Far over!!. and i sorribly slap her just like that.
Tough day.
I miss him so much today, don know why but i just miss him.
some time i m thinking i need some one to rely on..but that person is definitely not him at this stage..
haiz...life~~~