2/8/09

today is sunday...bit nervous bout tonite event....bout dyuelife soft lauching..
i bring jamie along..n jamie bring one of her fren come over....

tomorrow need to start work oledi..bit nervous n excited too..
quite complicated ...
now i still lost bout my future..but i m sure that it will become more clearly..after i start my work..
i don know the decision of involve myself in dyuelife is the rite choice for me onot..
but wo knows..never try never know..
i just don wan to let go the opportunity that i hv..maybe tis is the my time..as long as i hv do the best i can..
rite..?

today still miss mike..
i don know whether i should believe in him onot..but wo knows..
just always tel myself don take it so serius bout wat he said to me.
cos not worth it..
tis is wat i keep telling myself..
remember..don take it so serious...!!
if not at the end u ll hurt badly....very badly!!!!

1/8/09

finally..mike yesterday online, v chat for a while..n i know wat he think..
i don know whether i wan to believe mike onot..but my heart stil believe on wat he said.
i told all my frens that v broke up oledi..
i decided eveything go underground..so they won hv any comment on our relaitonship..since all my frens don like him..
they think mike is a liar..a playboy..
i m pretty sad actually..but think further..
they just wan the best for me,,
i understand that..
i don blame them.

i know wat ll goin to happen at the end..i think all the consequenses...
so i m ready on it..
wish everthing is good....

oh...yesterday mike online again..
pretty happy on it..
hehee...
so in love with him..even though he is always not with me..
now he is in france..
but still love him..
these day don know y..keep on thinking bout him,..even dream bout him last nite..
oh..
miss him so much le..

just argue with my mum..
she don trust me anymore..
keep on telling me my frens will cheated me la..bla bla bla..
i know she wan me good..but..
my frens don cheated me..ever..
haiz..somemore need me to find job la..bla bla bla..
the problem is i like freedom..
i m a bird on the air..
i don like to be controled...i like to be free...
haiz....
just don know how my life is goin on...
i cant see the future light..
wish i can move out n do something...
shit...
really....!!i m so serious on it...
more they push me..more i wanna go out..

some more my evil sister always talk bout stupid in front of my mum..
shit..damn hate her le..
she think she all that..
shit.....
always the one wo think she smarter than anybody..
shit..
i really very fed up oledi..
my mum now thinking i m not looking for job la..bla bla bla...
really stupid!!!!!!1
damn hate her actually..!!

..

yesterday just msn with darling mike...quite happy to hear from him..
notice that he is ok..fine..
everything in his family is fine n good..
i feel so release..n relieve too..

yesterday v talk something bout 3 somes..
that his fantansm..
he imagine i make love with gal n guy at the same time...3 person at once..
hahah...
that really wild...
hahaha;..
i not reject to try actually...
cos it is just somthing new..but at this moment i not ready to try..
maybe one day wen our relatioship is stable..n i hv nothing to worry..
i ll try..maybe..
hehehe..

yesterday in the conversation..i can see he is really care bout me...
n i really happy with it..cos i ask him if i sleep with other guy...he said he will be very sad on it..just if he do the same way to me..i ll be very sad too..

yes it is true..
all i want from him is himself only..
i hope he belongs to me..only for me..not for others..his ex-wife or someone else..
but i know it is impossible..cos he has so many responsible n burden..
haiz..
wen my wish can come true..
so long i guess..

Down

yesterday come back late, wen i open the inbox, mike had send me an email..
it is a very short email. It like he is very busy till no time to write long letter for me..
but i still miss him so much..

yesterday i went out with mani...
the feeling with him is just...no rite..
he kiss me..but honestly..i don feel anythin like i feel mike
just bit nature response..but the feeling in my heart is just not rite..n i don like that feeling..

wen mike kiss me...i feel like my heart beating fast.,.the feeling is so good..wen he touch me..
i like it..n i love it..
but with mani..it just not rite..i don like he kiss me..
even i really miss mike kiss..
but mani is not the compatible of mike.l.
mike is unique..
unreplaceable..
this can explain that i don simply hv relationship with guy for so long til mike show up..

now all i hv to do is just waiting mike lo..
really miss him so much..
the feeling fulfil my heart..
some more wen mani kiss me..i just unstoppable thinking bout mike..,
shit..
hahaha...sound so silly..

anyway..that me..
hahah..
stupid..

19/7/09- sunday

today wake up on 11.30 am.
last nite was very tired..
tis day very excited cos harry potter 6 finally showing on cinema..
excited..
now at my mum shop..
life getting a bit boring..
but still i miss mike so much..
love to miss him..
really hope i can see him..face to face but not only picture..
still hv 1 1/2 month to go..
ohhhhhh..miss him miss him miss him..

18/7/09-sat

yesterday after chat with darling..
i happy with it, beside that i oso seduce him by open my web cam.
hahah...
i feel that i m very bad..
hahha..
but the feeling is good too..
haha..
love him so much..
i know both of us will be suffering if this situation didnt change but..
i really don wan to let go since v haven start our life together..
i really don let go..

anyway just keep my finger cross n wish our relationship can be long lasting..
muaks..